Friday, February 20, 2004
I have been in a major funk lately about posting on the message boards I frequent.... Today I just read a post that definately will have me shying away from the boards and most chatting for a while... I am feeling completely selfish at the moment and finding it very hard to be happy for my fellow sisters.... Esp those just recently discovering/announcing they are expecting... it's just a too painful a reminder of what's not to be for now for me... I still ache for the child I should have now and desparately want to be pg again and have another.... it's just not in the cards for me right now... I am coming to terms with that, I know it's not permanent but still it stings.... For now I am going into a self exile to mourn... I am not going to be reaching out to those I normally chat with - not saying I am going to slap them away if they reach out to me but I am not going to be the reaching.... I need time to heal and the realization that I am not superwoman and it's not going to happen overnight is suddenly dawning on me... Til next time...
